"Who's Your Daddy"

Will & Grace
Episode #9.02
Original Airdate 10/5/2017
Written by Tracy Poust & Jon Kinnally
Directed by James Burrows
Transcript by Rob Durfee

CAST
Eric McCormack (Will Truman)
Debra Messing (Grace Adler)
Sean Hayes (Jack McFarland)
Megan Mullally (Karen Walker)

GUEST CAST
Ben Platt (Blake)
Mary Pat Gleason (Bridget)
Michael Galante (Lincoln)
Colette Whitaker (Smart Shower Voice)
Davi Santos (Twenty-Something)


SCENE I: Will's Apartment

[JACK enters the apartment and joins WILL at the table to eat breakfast. He grabs a cloth napkin and tucks it into his shirt and begins to eat. GRACE is in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee.]

WILL: [TO JACK] Can you pass the...

JACK: [TOSSING HIS KNIFE AND FORK DOWN] I knew you'd bring it up! You just couldn't wait to throw it in my face.

GRACE: Throw what in his face?

WILL: I don't even know what... Oh, right.

GRACE: Ooh, tell me, tell me, tell me. I'm missing something. Gossip. Go, go, go!

JACK: Do not tell her.

WILL: Your secret is safe with me. And Grace. So, last night, Jack and I were at the Cockpit. He's hitting on this 20-something who says... this is the good part...

[FLASHBACK: CUT TO THE COCKPIT. DANCE MUSIC IS PLAYING. JACK MAKES EYES AT A TWENTY-SOMETHING GUY.]

TWENTY-SOMETHING: [TO HIS FRIEND] Ugh, daddies love me. [ROLLS HIS EYES]

[JACK'S JAW DROPS AND HE GRABS HIS CHEST.]

[CUT BACK TO THE APARTMENT.]

GRACE: [GASPS DRAMATICALLY] [THEN TO JACK, IN BABY-TALK] I'm sorry.

JACK: Really, Grace? Peekaboo sleeves? Aren't you begging someone to just peek and then boo?

WILL: [LAUGHS] Oh, so this other young guy starts hitting on me...

[FLASHBACK: CUT TO THE COCKPIT. WILL IS AT THE BAR TALKING WITH A YOUNG MAN, BLAKE.]

BLAKE: I hope this doesn't weird you out, but I think you're really hot. [LAUGHS] You're like an anchorman.

WILL: This just in: Aww.

BLAKE: Oh, you're sweet. Okay, I think I need to know everything about you, okay? What's your "Behind the Music"? What's your "Unsolved Mystery"? What's your "E! True Hollywood Story"?

WILL: Well, my name's Will. I'm a partner in a law firm. Grew up in Connecticut...

BLAKE: Oh, my God! Do you know this song? Wait, I'm so sorry. I'm the rudest. [SINGING] ♫ I have the worst ADHD. ♫ Hey, come on. [BLAKE PULLS WILL TO THE DANCE FLOOR.]

[CUT BACK TO THE APARTMENT.]

WILL: I'm sorry, Jack. I guess some people age like an anchorman and others like a meth-head mother of nine. To reiterate, anchorman. Meth-head mom.

GRACE: I used to love the Cockpit. Remember how they used to play "Designing Women" on a loop, and then we'd applaud after Dixie Carter's speech?

WILL AND GRACE: [TOGETHER, IMITATING DIXIE CARTER] "And that is the night the lights went out in Georgia!"

[WILL AND GRACE LAUGH.]

GRACE: Why'd I stop going? Oh, I remember. [TO JACK] I got tired of you introducing me as your drag queen friend, "Judy Ism."

[JACK SMILES AND GIGGLES.]

WILL: Mm. I didn't. [TO JACK] Anyway, it's probably not a great time to tell you that I'm seeing that 23-year-old tonight. His name's Blake. It's cute, right?

JACK: It's not cute. You're not cute.

WILL: Look, I just didn't want you to have to read about it in the monthly gay newsletter. You know, that a really young... Did I mention he's 23? I think I did. Anyway, seeing him tonight. Blake. 23.

[JACK SLAMS HIS SILVERWARE ONTO THIS PLATE, GRABS THE PLATE, STANDS UP AND STORMS TO THE DOOR.]

JACK: I want you both out of the apartment by the end of the day.

[JACK EXITS]

SCENE II: Karen Walker's Penthouse, Karen's Bathroom

[KAREN is in her bathroom, standing in front of a touch-screen outside an over-sized walk-in shower with glass doors.]

SMART SHOWER: [COMPUTER VOICE] Steam on.

KAREN: Ah! Oh, brava! That alone was worth the 100 grand.

[KAREN TOUCHES THE SCREEN.]

SMART SHOWER: Steam off.

[ONE OF KAREN'S MAIDES, BRIDGET, ENTERS THE BATHROOM.]

BRIDGET: [WITH AN IRISH ACCENT] Begging you pardon, Mum.

KAREN: Smart shower, what happened to your voice?

BRIDGET: It's me, Bridget, Mum.

KAREN: Oh, Lord. Thought the Lucky Charms leprechaun had crawled up into that thing. [SIGHS]

BRIDGET: Rosario sent me up. I'm here to represent the staff. We'd like a raise.

KAREN: Give me a break, Mrs. Potato Head.

BRIDGET: Rosario said, "Don't leave until the woman pays us what we're worth."

KAREN: Did she call me the A-word, the B-word, or the C-word?

BRIDGET: Yes, Mum. Even a small raise would make us feel valued, and to give us a shred of dignity.

KAREN: Let me think on it. [MUTTERING TO HERSELF] Have a bill, trade a fish, Cayman Islands, take a plane, that'd cost... [MUTTERS INCOHERENTLY] Switzerland... mmm... [MUTTERING] Carry the four, write it off, I'm still rich, deal. [TO BRIDGET] You tell Rosario that you and the staff can have your raise.

BRIDGET: Thank you, Mum.

KAREN: Everyone deserves a little... dignity. On your way down, there's some dried puke in the library. And find out who's been reading.

[JACK WALKS INTO THE BATHROOM.]

JACK: Hi, Bridget.

BRIDGET: Oh, hi, Jackie. Shame about what happened to you at the Cockpit last night. [SNICKERS]

JACK: How does Bridget know about my humiliation?

KAREN: Someone in the house must have told her.

JACK: You were the only one who knew.

KAREN: [PLAYFULLY] I'm the someone. Oh, come on, Jackie. I knew just what to do. In here, you will find everything you need to make father-time your bitch.

[JACK FOLLOWS KAREN TO THE MEDICINE CABINET. SHE OPENS IT UP AND PULLS OUT A LONG NEEDLE.]

KAREN: Let's start with this little number, "Scro-tox." It's like Botox, but for the boys. One drop of this, and your old man balls will seem like two shiny pink marbles.

Wait, wait, wait. Will they still be able to show a range of emotions?

KAREN: Well, they won't be able to look surprised, so let's move on. [KAREN PULLS OUT A BOX AND OPENS THE TOP] Here we have the world's strongest magnets. [TAPPING EACH SIDE OF JACK'S NECK] One goes here, one goes here. Guaranteed to take the Mitch McConnell out of anyone's neck.

[KAREN PULLS THE SKIN OF JACK'S NECK BACK.]

JACK: Wow. Finally, science is good for something.

KAREN: Mm-hmm. Now, let's get this Pillsbury Dough-body back into its tube. Here we have a full-body compression garment.

[KAREN BRINGS OUT A TINY COMPRESSION GARMENT ON A HANGER.]

JACK: For a fat baby?

KAREN: [PATTING JACK'S TUMMY] For my fat baby.

SCENE III: Will's Apartment

[Will fidgets with the trio of candles on the table. His Google Home speaker plays "Borderline" by Madonna in the background.]

♫ Borderline/Feels like I'm going to... ♫

WILL: [TO HIMSELF] Will, just table-scape or don't.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

♫ Pushing my love/Over the borderline ♫

[WILL OPENS THE DOOR.]

WILL: Hey.

BLAKE: Hi. You look great.

WILL: So do you.

[BLAKE LEANS IN AND KISSES WILL. AS HE KISSES WILL, HE LIFTS HIS PHONE. A YOUNG WOMAN ON FACETIME GRINS AT THE TWO OF THEM.]

WILL: Glad I flossed.

STELLA: [ON PHONE SCREEN] I told you that was the move.

WILL: Who's that?

BLAKE: That's Stella. She's my best friend. Yeah, we live together now, but how long is that going to last?

[BLAKE WALKS IN AND SITS DOWN WHILE LOOKING AT HIS PHONE.]

WILL: You'd be surprised.

STELLA: [ON PHONE SCREEN] And he's cute.

[WILL SMILES.]

STELLA: [ON PHONE SCREEN] Looks like my dad.

[WILL'S SMILE QUICKLY FADES.]

SCENE IV: The Cockpit.

[JACK awkwardly shuffles through the bar to the back patio, unable to walk because of the compression garment. You can see the compression garment underneath his white shirt. He has two magnets stuck to the sides of his neck, and he is wearing a baseball cap. As he nears the metal doorframe, it pulls him backwards with a clang.]

JACK: Stupid magnets. [PULLS HIMSELF FREE] Ah!

[JACK SHUFFLES UP TO A SMALL LOUNGE, WHERE A MAN IS SITTING, SIPPING A DRINK.]

JACK: Hello. Is this seat taken?

[JACK IS UNABLE TO SIT. HE PICKS UP A THROW PILLOW AND THEN STIFFLY FALLS ONTO IT.]

SCENE V: Karen Walker's Penthouse, Karen's Bathroom

GRACE: Okay, I got your text. When did we agree that you could summon me with a dreidel and a jar of horseradish? And when did they start making "emojews?"

KAREN: Oh, I just wanted to thank you for redoing my shower. You've really gone above and beyond, and I just wanted to say that... [EXCITEDLY] I want a raise!

GRACE: You mean a mood elevator?

KAREN: No, honey, a raise raise. I've been working for you a long time, and that's what people do. A raise would show that... that you value me.

GRACE: You don't need a raise. You're in the top 1% of income and blood alcohol level.

KAREN: It's not my fault that people can't marry money and hold their liquor. Give me one good reason why I don't deserve a raise.

GRACE: You don't do anything!

SCENE VI: The Cockpit.

[JACK IS FLIRTING WITH A YOUNG MAN.]

JACK: What's your name?

LINCOLN: Lincoln. My mom named me after our country's greatest car.

JACK: You look like a car in need of a jack. Allow me to intro-seduce myself. I'm Jack.

[JACK REACHES OUT TO SHAKE LINCOLN'S HAND, BUT ENDS UP SLOWING FALLING FORWARD.]

JACK: And I think I'm falling for you.

LINCOLN: [CATCHING JACK] Oh!

SCENE VII: Will's Apartment

[WILL and BLAKE are alone now that BLAKE has hung up his phone.]

WILL: Let me get, uh, some wine, and I thought I'd make dinner.

[WILL GOES TO THE KITCHEN AND POURS TWO GLASSES OF WINE.]

BLAKE: Oh, you cook? That's so throwback Thursday. [PICKING UP A CANDLESTICK ON THE TABLE.] Wow. Are these candles Goop? I feel like I'm on "The Bachelor."

WILL: Well, you know gays and our disposable income. Didn't have kids, but I raised some very well-adjusted linen pillows. [LAUGHS]

[WILL GIVES BLAKE A GLASS OF WINE.]

BLAKE: Are you sad about that?

WILL: [QUIETLY TO HIMSELF] I am now.

[♫ Just try to understand... ♫]

BLAKE: [TAKES A SIP OF WINE] Mm. [MOTIONING TOWARD THE MUSIC] Isn't Madonna kinda tired?

WILL: I don't know about "tired." I mean, it is a pretty great song. Got me through a bad break-up in '94.

BLAKE: I was born in '94.

[WILL STUMBLES AND LEANS ON A CHAIR.]

SCENE VIII: Karen Walker's Penthouse, Karen's Bathroom

[GRACE and KAREN are still arguing about Karen's request for a raise.]

GRACE: I thought we had an understanding. You don't do real work, and I don't pay you a real salary.

KAREN: Grace, I am getting a little steamed.

SMART SHOWER: Steam on.

[THE SHOWER BEGINS EMITTING STEAM FROM OPENINGS NEAR THE BOTTOM OF THE SHOWER WALLS.]

GRACE: You put the steam on? I told you not to program it yourself.

[GRACE BEGINS TAPPING ON THE SHOWER CONTROL PANEL.]

KAREN: You wouldn't even have a business without me.

GRACE: That is so untrue. Why are the jets so low?

[GRACE STEPS INTO THE SHOWER TO EXAMINE THE HARDWARE. KAREN FOLLOWS.]

KAREN: How about all the clients I brought you? Are you saying that you... that you don't need me?

GRACE: Why are we doing this, Karen?

KAREN: Just say it.

GRACE: I'm not gonna say it.

KAREN: Say it.

GRACE: I don't need you!

KAREN: That is it. We're done. You won't hear another word. I am locking it up.

[THE SHOWER DOOR SWINGS SHUT.]

SMART SHOWER: Shower locked.

[THE LOCK CLICKS.]

GRACE: What just happened?

Locking it up forever!

GRACE: Stop talking.

KAREN: Oh, sorry I've been such a drain. Guess I'll just shut up.

SMART SHOWER: Drain shut.

[THE DRAIN SHUTS WITH A CLANK.]

GRACE: No, no, no!

KAREN: Oh, we are at war! It is—

GRACE: Don't say it!

KAREN: On!

SMART SHOWER: Shower on.

[THE SHOWER HEADS TURN ON.]

GRACE: Ah!

SCENE IX: The Hallway between Will's and Jack's Apartments

[JACK exits his apartment, shuffles over to Will's and desperately pounds on the door.]

[WILL OPENS THE DOOR]

WILL: I'm on a date. What do you want?

JACK: Yeah, I have also got a hot young guy coming over in five minutes, and I'm so stiff, I can't move!

WILL: Well, if it lasts longer than four hours, call your doctor.

JACK: No! It's this compression garment that Karen gave me. I think I'm going into renal failure. I just sneezed, and some pee came out my nose.

[JACK PULLS A TISSUE FROM HIS POCKET AND DABS HIS NOSE.]

WILL: What do you want me to do?

JACK: I need your pruning shears so I can cut myself out of this titanium girdle.

WILL: God, if I had a dollar for every guy that came to my door...

JACK: Oh, save it for your Netflix special, Jeselnik. Go!

[WILL GOES INTO HIS APARTMENT AND SHUTS THE DOOR BEHIND HIM.]

JACK: [ANNOYED] These stupid magnets! Oh!

[JACK YANKS THE MAGNETS FROM HIS NECK AND PUTS THEM IN HIS POCKETS. HIS KNEES SUDDENLY LOCK TOGETHER WITH A METALLIC CLANK. HE SPINS IN A CIRCLE TRYING TO PULL HIS KNEES APART.]

JACK: Gah!

[HE ATTACHES TO WILL'S DOORKNOB WITH A CLANK.]

[WILL OPENS THE DOOR, AND JACK IS FREED.]

WILL: Okay, I'm going to need these back.

[WILL HOLDS OUT THE SHEARS, BUT THEY ARE PULLED TO JACK'S CROTCH.]

WILL: Oh!

[WILL LETS GO OF THE SHEARS, WHICH ARE NOW MAGNETIZED TO JACK'S CROTCH.]

WILL: On second thought, keep them.

[JACK PULLS THEM FREE AND SHUFFLES BACK TO HIS APARTMENT DOOR.]

WILL: Jack, Jack, Jack, wait. Is Grace right? Is it creepy that I'm dating a 23-year-old? We're not really connecting.

JACK: So what? They're young and hot, we're old and not. Nothing else matters.

WILL: He doesn't like Madonna.

JACK: [POINTING THE SHEARS AT WILL, SUDDENLY SERIOUS] He should be beaten with a VHS copy of "Evita." We need this.

WILL: You're right. Okay. Okay. You're good?

JACK: Great. And you're good?

WILL: I'm... I'm great. It's not weird?

JACK: It's not weird. Age is a number.

WILL: Exactly. Who cares how old he is?

JACK: Nobody. Who cares if I'm going to put a full face of makeup on right now?

WILL: What?

JACK: [SIGHS] The first time I met him, it was dark, and I had a hat on.

WILL: Jack, you don't need makeup.

JACK: I told him I was 25.

WILL: Work from the neck up and keep the lights low.

SCENE X: Karen Walker's Penthouse, Karen's Bathroom

[GRACE and KAREN are trapped in the shower. It is over halfway filled with water.]

GRACE: [FRANTIC] How do we shut this thing off? You know that I panic in small spaces.

KAREN: Oh, yeah? Then you might want to rethink those knit pants you were wearing on Monday. [LAUGHS]

GRACE: Who programs "lock it forever" into a shower?

KAREN: Oh, come on, Grace. Like you and Will have never tried to spice up your lovemaking with a night of danger games. [GASPS] Oh, my God, honey, that's it! That's it! The shutoff code is Stan and my safe word!

GRACE: Oh! Oh, oh. Thank God! What's your safe word?

[KAREN LAUGHS AS SHE PULLS GRACE IN FOR A HUG.]

KAREN: I can't remember.

GRACE: How could you not remember your safe word?

KAREN: Well, honey, I've never used it. Takes a lot for this little lamb chop to feel unsafe.

GRACE: It's... [GASPS] It's happening. It's happening. [GASPS LOUDLY] I can't breathe. [INHALES DEEPLY] I can't breathe! I'm back at Camp Rabat, trapped under a canoe, and the counselor is saying, "Where is she?" And Janet Eisenberg is saying, "Who cares? It's just gross Adler." [SOBS] Karen, please! Think! What was the verkakte safe word?

KAREN: Well, I know it's something that really kills the mood for me sexually...

GRACE: Oh, oh! [YELLING TOWARD THE CONTROL PANEL] Sobriety!

KAREN: No...

GRACE: Hillary Clinton!

KAREN: Oh, that's actually kind of a turn-on.

SCENE XI: Will's Apartment

[BLAKE is sitting at the table sipping his wine while WILL is at the stove checking on dinner.]

WILL: Well, for me, my coming-out was pretty typical. My mom cried, my dad drank, and my grandmother got rabies. Unrelated, but just a rough weekend all around.

BLAKE: That's brutal.

WILL: Yeah. How was it for you?

BLAKE: Oh, um... I told my parents I was gay when I was eight. They were divorced. They both threw me a coming-out party on the same weekend. And that was hard.

WILL: That's not a coming-out story. How's James Franco supposed to win the Oscar playing that? God, is that the new gay? You guys grow up in a big happiness bubble?

BLAKE: Isn't that good?

WILL: No. It's so nice, it's practically abuse. I mean, how's it supposed to "get better" if it was always fine?

BLAKE: Are you mad at me because I'm happy?

WILL: Yes! No, I... Probably. Doesn't matter. [SIGHS}

BLAKE: Older guys are so dramatic. [SINGING] ♫ Which is super-hot ♫ [POINTING TO THE SOFA] Does this pull out?

WILL: Actually, I have a whole bedroom.

BLAKE: [WIDE-EYED] To yourself?

WILL: Here's something that will blow your mind: I got my own sheets and pillowcases, too. [WILL TAKES BLAKE BY THE HAND AND LEADS HIM TOWARDS THE BEDROOM, THEN STOPS.] Just curious: Um... when you said, "Older guys are dramatic," what do you mean?

BLAKE: Well, you just... you make a big deal about everything.

WILL: You realize the happy life you have is because we made a big deal about things?

BLAKE: Yeah, Will, I know all about Stonehenge.

WILL: Do you mean Stonewall?

BLAKE: I'm actually not quite sure what either one is.

WILL: Do you seriously, seriously, not know?

BLAKE: Who cares? So I'm not a history puff. Okay? That was like a billion years ago, okay? Everything's good now.

WILL: "Who cares"?

BLAKE: Dude, I don't mean to be rude, but my boner has already called a Lyft. Okay? Either we're going to hook up, or you're going to give me a lecture.

WILL: You're right. [SIGHS] You're right. And the choice is obvious. [WILL PRESS HIS FINGER TO BLAKE'S CHEST, FORCING HIM TO SIT ON THE SOFA] The history of our people is a rich and complex tapestry.

SCENE XII: Jack's Apartment

[The room is totally dark. JACK can barely be seen sitting in a chair. There is a knock.]

JACK: Come in!

[LINCOLN OPENS THE DOOR AND ENTERS.]

LINCOLN: Jack?

JACK: Oh, hey, Lincoln. How are you? I'm over here.

LINCOLN: Can I turn on a light?

JACK: Oh, no, no, no, uh, uh... [CALMLY] Follow the sound of my youthful voice.

[LINCOLN BLINDLY MOVES THROUGH THE APARTMENT UNTIL HE REACHES JACK'S CHAIR.]

LINCOLN: All right. I made it.

[LINCOLN CLAPS TWICE AND THE LIGHTS COME ON. JACK'S FACE IS COMPLETELY DONE IN THICK MAKE-UP. LINCOLN GASPS IN HORROR.]

SCENE XIII: Will's Apartment

[WILL is still lecturing BLAKE.]

WILL: We were everywhere! Art, culture, business, politics. We rightly took Halloween back from the children, whose costumes simply weren't good enough. You still with me?

BLAKE: Can you go back to the part about the gay dinosaurs? Like, how would they have known?

WILL: I made that part up, Blake. There's no such thing as a "fagosaurus." And speaking of gay dinosaurs, let's talk Madonna. Sure, now, she's got the face of Baby June and the body of Iggy Pop, but that ripped 60-year-old was there for us, like nobody else. Blake, it's great that you have no shame. I mean, you missed the joy of signing up for football to fool your parents. But you guys can never forget the struggle that came before you, the people that fought and loved and... and died, so that you could walk down the street in skinny jeans with rights you never even knew you never had. The minute we forget what we went through to get here is the minute it could all be taken away. [AS DIXIE CARTER] And that will be the night the lights go out in Georgia.

SCENE XIV: Karen Walker's Penthouse, Karen's Bathroom

[GRACE and KAREN are still trapped. The water is nearly up to the top of the shower. KAREN is treading water while GRACE hangs onto the top of the shower door.]

KAREN: [SWIMMING] I'm a sperm!

GRACE: [BREATHING HEAVILY] I'm letting go. I'm going now.

[GRACE LETS GO AND SINKS TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SHOWER. SHE SITS THERE FOR A BIT, LOOKS OVER KAREN AND BEGINS SWATTING HER LEGS. SHE PUSHES UP TO THE SURFACE]

GRACE: You didn't save me!

KAREN: Where the hell are you going to go? [SIGHS] I know you. You always think the worst is going to happen. You're going to lose a client, then you don't. You're going to miss a deadline, then you don't. You think you can pull off a hat, but you can't. [LAUGHS] Honey, you really can't. I don't know if it's the shape of your head, or that weird face.

GRACE: Stop insulting me!

KAREN: Why?

GRACE: It's making me mad!

KAREN: But you're not panicked.

GRACE: No, because you're... Oh....

KAREN: Yeah, mommy's got a few little tricks. Remember that design showcase in 1999?

GRACE: I was so nervous. I was hyperventilating.

KAREN: Mm-hmm, and then I sang you that song that calmed you down.

GRACE: [SINGING] ♫ Hush little baby, don't say a word, Mama's going to buy you ♫ [FLATLY] Drugs.

KAREN: Honey, you remembered the whole thing. Feel better?

GRACE: I do. I am so sorry, Karen. [SIGHS] I couldn't do what I do without you. And more importantly, I wouldn't want to do it without you. Of course you have value to me, and you deserve a raise.

KAREN: Thanks, honey. I guess your validation was more important than I realized.

GRACE: Well, you have it. I love you, Karen Walker.

[GRACE HUGS KAREN]

KAREN: Right back at you, Grace Adler.

SMART SHOWER: Shower off.

GRACE: [SHOVING KAREN AWAY] Wait a second.

KAREN: Oh, eh...

GRACE: "Grace Adler" is your safe word? My name is your sexual buzzkill?

KAREN: It's better this way.

[KAREN GRABS GRACE'S HEAD AND PUSHES HER UNDER THE WATER AND STANDS ON HER SHOULDERS.]

SCENE XV: Will's Apartment

[Later that night. WILL and JACK are talking while WILL cleans up the kitchen.]

WILL: Well, we agree, we should probably both date guys our own age, but, uh, I think he's going to remember what I said. You know, until the ♫ ADHD ♫ kicks in.

JACK: Mine left the apartment screaming like Vera Farmiga in "The Conjuring."

WILL: I don't want to be a daddy.

JACK: I don't want you to age better than me.

WILL: Oh, come on, Jack. Everybody knows Twinkies never expire. Besides, you're a catch. You will always be a catch, no matter how old you are. [IN A BRITISH ACCENT] How very, very, very old you are.

JACK: It's always a kiss and a punch with you.

WILL: [TO GOOGLE HOME SPEAKER] Hey, Google, play Madonna.

[THE INTRO TO "BORDERLINE" BY MADONNA BEGINS PLAYING ON THE SPEAKER.]

WILL: I want someone that I have something in common with. You know, a shared history.

JACK: Right? You want to have, like, a shorthand.

WILL: Right? Exactly. Do you want a, uh...

JACK: Yeah. Diet if you have it. Are you, uh... [JACK MOTIONS TOWARD THE TABLE.]

[WILL GIVES JACK A CAN OF DIET SODA.]

WILL: No, no, we ate. Yeah, I guess we just have to believe that person's still out there.

JACK: Oh, he has to be.

[THE MUSIC'S BEAT KICKS IN.]

WILL: What are you thinking?

JACK: What are you thinking?

WILL: That early Madonna's the best.

JACK: That's exactly what I was thinking.

WILL: Well, I'm glad we're on the same page.

[WILL AND JACK BEGIN DANCING SIDE BY SIDE.]

♫ Feels like I'm going to lose my mind ♫

♫ You just keep on pushing my love ♫

[GRACE ENTERS THE APARTMENT. SHE IS SOAKING WET.]

♫ Over the borderline ♫

♫ Borderline ♫

♫ Feels like I'm going to lose my mind ♫

♫ You just keep on pushing my love ♫

♫ Over the borderline ♫

♫ Borderline ♫

[WILL AND JACK TAKE NOTICE OF GRACE AND PAUSE FOR A BEAT, LOOK AT EACH OTHER, THEN BEGIN DANCING AGAIN, IGNORING GRACE AS SHE WALKS BACK TO HER BEDROOM.]